19 weeks + 3 days
Laying in bed at 1 am, can't sleep. It's pretty incredible growing a human, let alone someone else's human. He's got to be doing cart wheels in there or something. Little bubble like rolls across my stomach. It's strange feeling so happy and grateful for all of his little movements, even though he's not mine. You'd think it would be hard or confusing but really it's beautiful. I can't think of anything better I could be doing with my body then providing a safe home for 9 months of a persons very beginning. I feel honored in a way, almost a sacred calling to be this person's guardian and protector. Steele felt him move a few nights ago and seeing his face light up made me smile. I can't wait for those movements to be our baby's. Someday they will be but until then it's still fascinating to feel a life thriving. I think Steele sensed that. We talk often about how this whole process will go down with both our children. I've gotten only one off comment from someone who said "good luck explaining that to your kids!" Eye roll. You think they aren't fully aware of this process? In fact we were at Chipotle a few days ago and the cashier asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. I answered that it was a boy and then she asked Perry if she was excited to have a little brother. Perry quickly replied with almost a laugh and said "oh it's not my brother, it's Anorah's brother!" I always have a bit of explaining to do to strangers. But she just gets it. Both my kids do.
You know, I can't say for certain how I'll feel as things progress or if labor and delivery will be hard emotionally just as I didn't know how I would feel once the baby was transferred or when the baby would start to move. I just know as of now things are moving along with out any emotional hurdles. I'm expecting there to be a few here and there but I truly believe this process is such a miracle, technologically and spiritually. Feeling gateful and in awe tonight.