house has got me thinkin

this is me

{wife & mommy}

I don’t normally write like this but today I felt I needed an outlet so here it is. Does anyone watch HOUSE? It is one of my favorite shows on these days…and trust me I watch all the same shows as you and can say it is worth watching. Hugh Laurie has absolutely mastered his roll as Gregory House and man is he a character made for great television. For those of you who watch along with me you know last nights episode was interestingly enough all about the world of blogging. The patient on the show recorded every single bit of information of her life on her blog. Fights her and her husband got into, decisions she had to make and all of her emotions were made public by choice. As she was forced to make a life changing decision, she did not turn to her husband but turned to her blogging family, most of whom she’d never met and asked for their opinion of which she should choose. Why would someone do this? Is it possible for someone to feel more of a connection with someone they’ve never met? You can’t even look into someone’s eyes. Is this form of connection with these acquaintances heartless? Obviously this is an extreme case and I do not document all of my personal life but I do find this a place of relaxation and a way to record my life and the joys there of. As I watched I found myself thinking why I blog. Do I write for me, for a journal, to document Steel's growth and progress; could it be for self confidence or reassurance? But yet I struggling as I see everyone’s perfect lives. I don’t blog the bad and not very many others do either. All we see is the good. Do I give my friends an unrealistic view of my life? So this brings me to the question of would you rather see only good times and none of the rough? And then I ask myself does it matter what others think? I should write and say how I feel and not always try to please everyone else. Do you ever find yourself portraying someone that is not you?

I wasn’t going to share this because this is something very personal to me but I’m in the right mood. This makes me extremely nervous to publish this post but oh what the heck. This is a step for me being me. I write poems sometimes when I can’t sleep or when I’m feeling down. A month or so ago I stirred in bed thinking of all the things I’m not and all the things I wish I was. So…I started to write this. It’s not perfect but it’s what came out.


Even this as I write
Self conscious I feel
Of what may be thought
Me am I real?

For or against me
Neither matter at most
The sly devil waits
He’d love to be my host

I have to be the one to choose
Slowly I begin to see
It’s my choice not his
I have the will to be me

As I conquer my inadequacies
I begin to feel stride
Wind begins to billow beneath my soul
No more will I hide

I feel I can do it
No matter the toll
Some may sneer, some may laugh
With the punches I must roll

The freedom from the judgment
I have now looked away
It’s about time I realized
I am Emily and I’m here to stay